HOPE & HEALING
It was around 2:00 in the early morning on Memorial Day 2018. Suddenly, Dave and I felt a burst of energy. Maybe it was because we were close to home in Fresno, coming from Modesto. We laughed for five minutes and talked about our future plans as husband and wife. Dave smiled at me and said, “I love you.”
I replied, “I love you too.”
“I love you more.”
Then, all of a sudden, Dave slammed on the brakes. The truck veered onto the median, spun 360 degrees, slid back, and then crashed into the brick wall on Herndon Avenue. My eyes were open the entire time, and as the wall crumbled, all I saw were bricks falling on the truck. It felt like I was moving in slow motion, like riding Space Mountain at Disneyland.
My heart was beating so fast, and I remember Dave putting his right arm toward my chest to stop me from going through the truck’s window. The airbags were finally deployed. It was dead silent. I did not hear Dave’s voice anymore.
A month after the tragic accident, I went to see a therapist in Long Beach, California. I had not been sleeping and refused to take medication, so I sought professional help.
My therapist, Connie, let me talk about my feelings. I kept going over the accident in my head, wishing the outcome had been different. I felt helpless because I couldn’t save Dave. Luckily, some neighbors helped me out of the truck. But they didn’t get Dave out.
I have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). You often hear about it in veterans returning from war, but many other experiences can cause PTSD. It can develop after witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event, such as
accidents: car crashes, serious incidents
violence: military combat, terrorist attacks
abuse: physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional
natural disasters: tornadoes, earthquakes, fires
other events: kidnapping, witnessing a suicide, or experiencing childbirth trauma
Not everyone with PTSD has been formally diagnosed or sought help. Refugees from war-torn countries, like my parents and their friends from Cambodia, often have PTSD. Researchers have found that 50% of refugees worldwide suffer from it.
Many do not seek help for various reasons. But early intervention is crucial for managing and preventing PTSD. Thus, people who don’t get treatment within the first two years have a much lower chance of recovery.
Connie reassured me that feeling anxious and short of breath is normal. When PTSD is triggered, fidgeting can occur because the body releases stress hormones, preparing the muscles for sudden exertion. An anxiety attack can happen anytime, so learning breathing exercises can help tremendously.
October is Wellness Awareness Month. Self-care is essential, as everyone needs to take care of themselves physically as well as mentally. Specifically, spending time alone, in a healthy manner, is beneficial for mental health. Why is this important?
First, you learn more about yourself when you spend time alone. It’s important to take time to reflect on your thoughts.
Second, being alone improves concentration and memory. When alone, your attention is focused on what you’re doing. In a group, people tend to rely on others to remember information, so they exert less effort.
Third, solitude can boost creativity. Researchers have found that working alone encourages creativity and innovation, allowing you to focus without worrying about others’ opinions or social pressure.
Finally, spending time alone can improve your relationships. The saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” applies here. Having a strong support system is vital for one’s well-being, but taking breaks from family and friends helps you appreciate them more. Here are some activities that have helped in my healing process:
Go to the movies: Fully immerse yourself in the story and visuals
Go to dinner: Enjoy the experience in peace and relaxation
Take a mini vacation: Bring positivity and self-growth
Learn a new skill: Pursue something that interests you
Go for a hike: Enjoy peaceful solitude in nature
Volunteer: Improve life satisfaction and self-esteem
I continue to seek therapy. Talking to someone about your feelings is a good way to release stress. If you’re not comfortable talking to a professional, don’t force it. The decision is yours to make. But remember, one of the first steps toward healing is realizing that while you can learn to live on your own, you can’t do it all alone.
In my Asian culture, expressing emotions and seeking help is often perceived as taboo. It’s seen as airing dirty laundry to a stranger. It’s about perception. People worry about what neighbors and friends will think if you go to therapy, assuming you must be “crazy.” That’s not the case.
PTSD is a serious mental condition that does not entirely go away. It must be managed as it presents itself—one never knows what triggers will bring it on. There is no choice but to take things one day at a time, and that’s okay! The point is to learn how to cope with this facet that is now part of your reality, your story, and your life.
My road to healing continues in Fresno, California, where my journey has taken me full circle back to the place where my story both began and ended. It will be over six years since the accident, and every morning I get up and feel blessed to breathe another day.
I have learned to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when your time will be up, and each day is a new opportunity to create new memories. I was blessed to be loved, and one day I hope to fall in love again. With hope, you can heal.
Features Contributor Soma Norodom
Illustrator Niran Vorakoumane
