MAKING FORMAL FAMILIAR
I love all the seasons for all the reasons, but there’s something special about spring. With the fog lifting, the grass greening, and the buds blooming, the world around us comes back to life. March, the official start of spring, ushers in the season for al fresco entertaining and gives me renewed energy to socialize. At home, we spring into party prep mode: we power-wash, we paint, we polish. We prune and we plant. I love any excuse to spruce up my space, doing what we all know as “spring cleaning.”
It is during this glorious window between March and May—before the sweltering summer heat hits—that you’ll find me in our garden nightly. Whether we are gathering casually with family or celebrating with a soirée, I love hosting at home. It feels special, almost luxurious. There is something about inviting people into your intimate space that brings you closer to them—as the host, you shine in your element, and as the guest, you experience someone in a very personal way.
The roles of host and guest are so innately intertwined that we hardly ponder them, but each plays an essential part in the success of an event. A preeminent host plans and prepares. They attend to every detail, from the food to the flowers to the favors. They curate an interesting guest list and assign seating to cultivate connection. A savvy guest brings energy and charm. They meet and mingle with old and new friends. They elevate interactions with confidence, style, and grace. A hospitable host cherishes a gracious guest (and vice versa!) as they excel symbiotically.
Whether in a formal or informal setting, the roles of host and guest are on intricate display at the dining table. For example, with firsts and lasts. The host sits first. The host is served last. The host eats first. The host finishes last. To a novice, dining etiquette can feel overwhelming, if not intimidating. But remember, etiquette is more than its definition, which is a customary code of polite behavior. At its essence, etiquette exists to promote respect, courtesy, and thoughtfulness amongst society’s members.
It might seem odd to refer to the art of setting a table as thoughtful, but through that lens its purpose becomes clear. Traditionally, an informal table is set for a one-course meal, and a formal table is set for a multicourse meal. In this regard, “informal” and “formal” don’t refer to the table aesthetic, but to the number of pieces of tableware. Multiple cutlery pieces might appear pretentious until one learns that each fork has been placed for a purpose—to be used to enjoy a delicious dining experience. The goal is not necessarily to set a table formally, but to set it properly. With this insight and the following pro tips, dining etiquette becomes more approachable and appreciated.
The Tools
The hallmark of a beautiful table is accuracy and symmetry. Don white cotton gloves to keep fingerprints off fine china, sterling silver, and crystal. Use a butler stick to achieve even spacing between chargers and place setting elements.
Napkins
Wash, press, and fold napkins with the fold on the right. Place napkins on the chargers or to the left of the forks. Avoid putting napkins in glassware, as that is customarily done in hotels or for banquets.
Cutlery
Place cutlery according to the menu with the first course on the outside, farthest from the charger. Note that dessert cutlery is set above the charger, with the tines of the fork to the right and the bowl of the spoon facing left.
Glassware
Select appropriate glassware to accompany the beverages that will be served during the meal. The water glass is placed directly above the dinner fork, with the following glasses to the right: red wine, white wine, and champagne.
Place Cards
Use place cards for larger gatherings when you aren’t able to personally show guests to their seats. Traditionally, women are interspersed between men, and couples, relatives, and colleagues are separated. Remember, the host and hostess do not require a place card when entertaining at home.
Chiara believes in the subtle art of style and grace, and in imparting the confidence to go anywhere and interact with anyone. In founding Etiquette Moderne, she has adapted the tradition of politesse for the modern world: for the trendsetters, the tastemakers, the movers and shakers, the leaders of today and the trailblazers of tomorrow—because good manners never go out of style.
Chiara offers private and corporate coaching sessions from San Francisco to Los Angeles. This fall, she will launch a modern cotillion program for Central Valley residents. To work with Chiara or to learn more about Etiquette Moderne, follow @etiquettemoderne or email chiara@etiquettemoderne.com.
Features Contributor Chiara Riggs Sill, Founder of Etiquette Moderne
Photographer Ellie Koleen
Illustrator Katie Belden
Chiara Riggs Sill
Features Contributor
Chiara has 15 years of experience in high-profile event planning and etiquette consulting that has spanned between San Francisco and Sydney. A native Californian, etiquette has been her lifelong passion, first instilled by family then cemented by an education at the renowned Swiss Institut Villa Pierrefeu. A Vanderbilt University graduate and founder of Etiquette Moderne, Chiara’s passion for education and partnerships with local philanthropic organizations enable her to make etiquette accessible to diverse communities.
Ellie Koleen
Photographer
Ellie is a lifestyle, wedding, and brand photographer based in Fresno, California. An artist behind the lens, her trademark airy, light-filled style and masterful camera angles make her work easily recognizable. She uses her love for all things design related as inspiration for her work. The Fresno Bee named Ellie Best Photographer for the People’s Choice Awards in 2018 and 2019.
