THE POWER OF BEING UNIQUELY YOU
How to build healthy self-esteem, gain confidence, and be unapologetically you.
When I first moved to New York to attend New York University, I was a Central Valley girl living in the big city. Sure, I had spent years living in the bustling towns of Westwood and Santa Monica in Los Angeles during my time at the University of California, Los Angeles, but it was nothing compared to the big city. I was new, I was nervous, but I had to keep going.
How did I do it? Confidence and self-esteem. This comes easy to some, but it is more challenging to others, which I have seen firsthand in my two decades of experience in human resources and leadership development. However, with a little practice every day, you can grow to respond to challenges and opportunities more resourcefully, which will help you advance personally and professionally.
In my executive consulting work, I offer these 10 tips to build healthy self-esteem and confidence that will guide you toward becoming your best self:
Put on Your Oxygen Mask
“Every one of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.” – Princess Diana
As the flight attendant reminds us just before the airplane takes off, “Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.” The same goes for all aspects of life. In order for you to be the best employee, leader, parent, friend, spouse, etcetera, you must be the best version of yourself.
I ask clients, “How do you take care of yourself? Or how do you want to take care of yourself?” We then identify small steps to reach attainable goals. Self-care can take many forms, including emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and mental care.
First Impressions Matter
“A first impression is the most important impression you’ll ever make—and you get only one chance to make it.” – Ann Demarais, author of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You
First impressions are made within seconds, and it is very difficult to reverse a negative first impression. So it is imperative you make a positive and lasting first impression.
I will ask my clients, “Do you always succeed in making the first impression you intend to make?” I then help them identify what kind of impression they would like to make and what makes them feel confident, especially in regard to attending an interview, conducting a meeting, public speaking, asking for a promotion, and so on. Once these key factors are identified, I help clients figure out a system to achieve their goals.
Communication is Key
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
Successful communication means getting the right message to the correct person in an accurate and efficient manner. Remember that just as people have different learning styles, they also have different communication styles. Understand your own communication style, its pros and cons, and then understand the communication style of the person you are communicating with. To increase the success of your communication, adjust your style to match their style.
Remember that just because you said something or sent an email or a text does not mean you have communicated; you’ve simply said or passed on words. You know your message was received correctly if the other person can articulate back the main points of the message.
Personal Accountability
“Accountability breeds responsibility.” – Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
In my meetings with clients, we focus on personal accountability and how they show up in the interaction. My job is to hold a mirror up to them and help them look inward.
I often ask, “Did you do anything to contribute to the situation (even if it’s just a small part)? What more could you have done? Is there anything you failed to do?” Once we are accountable for our own actions, we build responsibility and self-worth, follow through, and trust. This in turn builds confidence.
Keep Calm and Carry On
“Your first and foremost job as a leader is to take charge of your own energy and then help to orchestrate the energy of those around you.” – Peter Drucker
Self-awareness and self-control are key to building confidence. You want to be calm, compassionate, and proactive, not reactionary.
You can achieve this by practicing mindfulness in the present, giving your undivided attention to the person you are talking to, and making your interactions count. These techniques are useful when leading, having difficult conversations, setting boundaries, parenting, and in many other aspects of daily life.
Avoid the Comparison Game
“Don’t compare your life with others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time to shine.” – Anonymous
Stay in your own lane; don’t worry about others.
When I work with clients, I have them shift the power to themselves. It doesn’t do any good to try to change others or wish others would do things differently. After all, the only thing we can control is ourselves! Once we realize this, we are now in control of the situation, which in turn decreases anxiety and increases confidence.
Understand Your Strengths
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” – Steve Jobs
It takes all types of people to make the world go ’round, so ask yourself, “What makes you unique? Where do you excel? What strengths can you bring to the table?”
The strengths-based leadership theory encourages leaders to 1) focus on potential instead of obstacles and 2) shift from focusing time and resources on improving shortfalls to moving toward capitalizing on strengths. When you focus on strengths, you can accelerate from good to great.
Sharpen Your Saw
“Sharpen the saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It means having a balanced program for
self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.” – Stephen R. Covey
What are you doing to renew yourself so you don’t plateau?
Think of it like this: a lumberjack can’t continue to chop wood everyday if he doesn’t regularly sharpen his saw. When you sharpen your saw, you are increasing your knowledge, skills, abilities, and personal and professional growth.
Make the Most of Your Time
“It’s not enough to be busy…The question is: what are we busy about?” – Henry David Thoreau
Have you ever heard the saying “If you want something done, give it to a busy person”?
Things get done because these people know how to manage their time. You want to make sure you are busy with the right things: items that are both urgent and important, tasks that align with your personal and professional goals, and things that matter and have value.
Make sure you are organizing your space, completing tasks fully, allotting enough time to complete these tasks, and saying “yes” to the important things. If you use your time wisely, you will become confident in the important areas of your life and have more quality time.
Humbly Own Your Success, But Be Proud!
“Be strong, but not rude; Be kind, but not weak; Be bold, but not bully; Be humble, but not timid; Be proud, but not arrogant.” – Zig Ziglar
Humble people are willing to see themselves accurately and are open to feedback—both positive and constructive. They view feedback as a gift and listen to suggestions in order to improve.
A humble person takes accountability for their errors, views them as a learning tool, and implements the lessons learned in their future actions. This gives them an edge over others, as they are constantly refining.
You can humbly own your success. Never apologize for it. Be proud of your hard work, persistence, tenacity, and the lessons learned along the way.
By doing this inner work, you will naturally find improvements in communication, boundaries, respect, and even self-care. When you see value in your worth, others will too!
With 20 years of experience in human resources and leadership development, Gia Kazarian brings her vast knowledge of executive consulting from New York back to her roots in the Central Valley. After graduating summa cum laude with honors from the University of California, Los Angeles, with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a minor in workplace studies, Gia went on to earn her master’s degree in industrial and organizational psychology at New York University. She has since applied
Features Contributor Gia Kazarian, Founder of Gia Kazarian Consulting
Photos provided by Gia Kazarian Consulting, taken by RPM PR @giakazarianconsulting
Gia Kazarian
Features Contributor
Gia brings her vast knowledge of executive consulting from New York back to her roots in the Central Valley. With 20 years of experience in human resources and leadership development and degrees from University of California, Los Angeles and New York University, she has applied her education to train and coach Fortune 500 companies. Gia’s mindful coaching methods are created upon business and social psychology to provide a customized approach to advancing individual leadership abilities.
